Sex Giveaway

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It seems to me that many (most?) women are fixated on the idea that they are giving something away, when having sex. Is this just my imagination, or is it real?
I find this idea difficult to ratify. If two people are enjoying sex together, then they’re both giving and both receiving: it’s a two-way street. Yet the accepted perception seems to be that the woman has contributed more somehow. Of course, it is possible for one partner to be selfish, only consider his or her needs, and be a “taker”. Is that behaviour unique to men? I know it is not.
Does a woman risk more than a man in commiting to intercourse? Before effective contraception was available, the answer was clearly yes. But surely, that’s no longer the case. Is the prevailing attitude a genetic carry-over, or animal behaviour from pre-contraceptive times?
I baulk at the idea of women regarding sex as some kind of bargaining chip, but I can’t see another explanation. Would this also explain the prevalence of prostitution? (Yes, I know there are male prostitutes too but, I’m guessing, they are outnumbered by women, a thousand to one?)
I hope I’m wrong. Does anyone have a better explanation?

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About micklively

Fifty-something, pacifist, six sigma black belt, lean implementer, brewer, vintner, guitarist, wood-turner, and slave to collies.
This entry was posted in contraception, cost, economics, life, love, men, pleasure, prostitution, selfish, sex, women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Sex Giveaway

  1. lanaerotica says:

    No matter if it is making love or just some consensual fun sex… the thought of treating it like “giving it away” is revolting. I give as much as I am given, in ANY situation. Girls that sell it does so because there is a market for it and they choose to exploit that. No different from a banker, I guess.
    But knowing one or two girls that do that for an agency, they actually do enjoy it, for the most part. But they take advantage of that fact that some guys WILL pay for it.

    Anyone, what ever sex, that feels like they are doing someone a favor, should just be celibate.

    • micklively says:

      Fine words: I agree.
      My impression, however, is that you represent a minority. Am I right? And, if so, why?
      Many thanks for your feedback.

  2. Lor Kam Hoi says:

    Interesting observation. Especially as this view which belongs to a Westerner is similar to Asian values. There’s a notion that men like sex and women just tolerate it because they love their men. It could also be due to virginity for a female can be determined while for male it is impossible. So ‘something’ can be taken from a female while it’s not the same for a male.

  3. mistress4u says:

    I think the question is ” giving” what away exactly, different for each culture, person and female and male.
    For so long we (females, or am I speaking of myself?) have wanted equality. Yet we are condemned my morals and values of others and even by our own e.g. Possibly shame or guilt.
    If sex is merely about the act, love then be it but if a female is enticing a man / hoping her “giving” is for something more than he can give she will have “lost” in the act. We can’t simply won or create a relationship on sex alone.
    Its about respect I guess. This brings me to ask what is “normal” sex ? We are tight lipped about this and what about the female who doesn’t desire men? The one who likes females alone, is she a slut if she has a healthy appetite and “gives” to many women?
    I adore sex but I don’t “give” to men – only pleasure, desire, excitement, fulfilment as they do me…. A bit like food …on that note maybe I should “give” more to the domesticated goddess in me and start preparing breakfast on this rainy Saturday morning 😉
    Sorry for the ramble Mick but I’m loving your posts …

  4. This was certainly a popular post. The mere mention of sex elicits response like no other theme. Sex as a bargaining chip…hmm, I murmur with my hand rubbing my chin. I never felt that way. That’s a certain breed of female that totes an agenda inside her panties. Making love, if I may put a more romantic spin on things, with someone you’re hot, fond, love, can’t get enough of, is life’s ultimate grand moment. Now I’ve lured men with my lasagna, but that’s another essay Mick entirely 🙂

  5. I think the sex giveaway thing is about an imbalance in supply and demand. Men, generally speaking, want sex more than women do – so women can feel as if they’re doing you a favour by having it. It’s exacerbated by the ‘slut’ thing, so that women who do want sex can’t just say ‘come on let’s go’ without considering the longer-term implications. So that makes women even more cagey about doing it. But I’d much rather have an equal playing field, and the whole slut thing seems absurd to me. What’s wrong with wanting and having sex!

  6. Anna says:

    Well, in an ideal world (imo) it should be equal (especially given contraception), but that’s not this world, not even in the West. And what surprises me is that even among young people the attitude prevails that women/girls are giving something away during sex because you still see them labeled as “sluts” and humiliated (more by other females than males) while males are given a pass for similar behavior. I think attitudes have changed a little in my lifetime, but not all that much.

  7. Arkenaten says:

    ‘Giving’ away is an odd term, maybe, but if we look at the animal kingdom ( as some are not so keen to see our own behaviour reflected in other’animals’,) males do all the prancing and dancing and the females choose who they will mate with. If the male ‘takes’ then this is considered rape – which happens in the real ‘Jungle’ as it does in the urban variety.And opposite of take is…give
    So, as it is the woman who generally has the final say as to whether consensual sex takes place, even if money is exchanged, she is still the one who is ”giving it away”.

    • micklively says:

      O.K. I like your argument, though I’m not entirely convinced. If you’re right, and the issue is merely one of consent, the “account” should be neutral after the act. But, IMHO, it isn’t: the bloke is in debt.

      • Arkenaten says:

        There is no such thing as a humble opinion…;)

        Have you seen the movie Something has got to give with Jack Nicholson and Dianne Keaton?

        If not watch it. It;s a romcom but the giving most definitely seems to be on the part of Nicholson’s (playboy) character.

        If a bloke feels as though he has been ‘given’ something I would wonder why?
        Image…Bloke on his knees clasping hands in a gesture of prayer looking up at some bird…
        “Pleeeeeze”

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