Friday Fictioneers:
Every Friday authors from around the world gather here to share their 100-words and offer constructive crit and encouragement to each other. This creates a wonderful opportunity for free reading of very fresh fiction! Readers are encouraged to comment as well.


“Hast tha not got any lubricant our John?”

“Eee, I reckon not Albert. Hast tha got sticky valve?”

“Aye, it’s not so bad: just enough chuvvy me concentration like.”

“Gentlemen! Could we get on, please?”

“I were only saying me valve’s a bit uncooperative.”

“Aye, he were! There’s no cause to get all uppity, Arthur. Albert’s concentration is a delicate thing.”

“Oh, you’ve no need to say how delicate Albert’s concentration is: I’ve heard him play that bloody thing.”

“Arthur, you’ve no cause to speak about Albert like that. Your granddad must be spinning in his grave.”

“I’ve been in t’ Gastric & Shithouse Prize Band since you were knee-high to whippet’s elbow our Arthur. What’s to do with you today?”

“What’s to do?! Your audience is waiting!”

“I think tha’ll find they’ve both gone home, Arthur.”

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About micklively

Fifty-something, pacifist, six sigma black belt, lean implementer, brewer, vintner, guitarist, wood-turner, and slave to collies.
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58 Responses to Bandstand

  1. Loved the dialog, very entertaining.

  2. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Mick,

    A great tale to illuminate our golden years. I love the accents and the dialogue. A fine piece of work.



  3. Ellespeth says:

    This was so hilarious, Mick! The bantering back and forth between old musician friends. The dialogue seems just right to me –

  4. milliethom says:

    A very amusing look at one of Yorkshire’s greatest traditions! My husband’s a Yorkshireman and never misses the chance to sing the praises of some of his favouirite brass bands. I’m a Lancashire lass myself, and the tradition isn’t quite as strong there. Well done with the Yorkshire dialect! I’ve used it in a ew of my FF pieces. It really is unique. Excellent dialogue, sticky valves un all. Nice touch with the mention of the whippet, too. 🙂

    • micklively says:

      Thanks Millie.
      Are you excommunicate for marrying the wrong side of the Pennines? 😉

      • milliethom says:

        Ah, after 45 years and six ‘pink’ roses, our two families tolerate each other. We live in Nottinghamshire so not to cause disgruntlement from either side. Neutral ground and all that … 🙂

  5. I love how you worked the dialect here! Very cool.

  6. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Mick, Very entertaining and clever! Nan 🙂

  7. Ha ha We all know an Arthur and it doesn’t matter what field we are in. I liked it Mick.

  8. Is it just me or do I detect a bit of innuendo in there? I mean, sticky valves?

  9. It sounds like the argument was the scene stealer of the concert.

  10. Just love this especially the way you altered the name of one of our most famous brass bands!

  11. afairymind says:

    Great dialect in a very amusing scene. Good story. 🙂

  12. Joe Owens says:

    The dialect came through clearly to me. I could just imagine the two old guys fussing.

  13. gahlearner says:

    My valve’s not cooperating, that’s a phrase to remember. And an audience of two. Such a funny and vivid conversation.

  14. MythRider says:

    Cute. Made me laugh.

  15. draliman says:

    Funny, especially the audience all leaving while they’re arguing! Love the Yorkshire(?) dialect 🙂

    • micklively says:

      Many thanks for your feedback.
      I was unsure of the dialect thing. The way it reads to me is never the way it sounds inside the heads of others, but it seemed important for the scene I was trying to set. I’m glad you liked it.

  16. Ha.. I think that the audience will leave no matter what.. that or earplugs

    • micklively says:

      I don’t know Bjorn. In my experience, audiences hear what they want to hear. If they’re minded to enjoy: they will.
      Many thanks for your feedback.

  17. I might be wrong, but its as if a Shakespearean play met the West Country accent.
    Very entertaining!

  18. k rawson says:

    That was a riot. I felt like an eavesdropper snickering in my hand.

  19. Nothing like a stuck valve and no lube…
    Ha. Randy

  20. I’m not sure if I know where the dialect is from, but it reminded me of pirates! Really funny and awesomely written!

  21. ansumani says:

    the story is like overhearing their conversations…natural and Funny!

  22. wildbilbo says:

    Loved that dialogue – ‘chuvvy’ is a great word although I have no idea what it means. Also, the Gastric and Shithouse band made me laugh out loud.
    Nice work.

    • micklively says:

      Chuvvy is nudge or persuade. Gastric and Shithouse is what we called the Rastrick and Brighouse when they made the charts with Floral Dance.
      Many thanks for your feedback.

  23. rgayer55 says:

    The last band I played with was Rhythm Method. We played plenty of dumps and dives. I’ll never forget one female dancer who humped her rear against her boyfriends crotch, her mouth agape about 3 feet from the stage. It was damned hard to concentrate on the song while watching her. We nicknamed her “Dog Woman.”

  24. That first line is hilarious. Biblical and just a bit smutty…

  25. The minute I saw it was a band I thought, Mick’s gonna love this. My pal David took the photo. I love the whole irritation about Arthur…we all know an Arthur.

  26. Dear Mick,

    Unruly bunch of musicians. I love the dialect, although I found myself getting a bit lost as to who was saying what.



  27. Arkenaten says:

    Originating from Mud Island I can so relate to this: I ‘ad t’ laff.

    I’m wondering how many of your overseas contingent will be able to relate to this?
    Seeing the photo reminded me of the Bandstand on the River Dee in Chester.
    I was in a small band when I was 14, and we played a Sunday gig at the bandstand. My solo spot was Sweet Black Angel by the Stones. It was easy because it only had two or three chords!

    ‘Give over!’

    Nice one.

    • micklively says:

      I recall playing with my band, Red Splodge, one night, all pissed as usual, when the bass player asks “What’s next?” I said “Whole Lot Of Shakin'” He said “I’ve just played that one!”
      Thanks Ark.

      • Arkenaten says:

        Red Splodge! ( nothing to do with paintball I’ll venture)
        Well, one band I was in was called Crash Landing, after the Hendrix album of the same name. Maybe not such a good name for a band all things considered.

        • micklively says:

          No, it was a parody on the Red Wedge of Labour Party fame.
          Crash Landing is a great name for a band. Should have played support for James Taylor’s Flying Machine. 😉

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