Fire

Every Friday authors from around the world gather here to share their 100-words and offer constructive crit and encouragement to each other. This creates a wonderful opportunity for free reading of very fresh fiction! Readers are encouraged to comment as well.

https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers-2/

fire

There’s a voice, insistent, nagging. Kevin’s asleep but he’s not asleep: hovering on the edge of consciousness, half in a dream, trying to fit sounds. He feels fingers bite his arm,  violent shaking, banging his head. “Kev. Wake up. There’s gas. We’ve got to get out. Wake up.” He can feel the rasp in his throat and he starts to retch. All is darkness but he recognises Amy’s voice.  “Get up.” He rolls onto the floor, jarring his knee. He hears Amy at the door. “It’s so dark.”
A voice in his head screams “No”. What? No what? Amy gropes across the wall.
“Amy, the light, don’t turn……

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About micklively

Fifty-something, pacifist, six sigma black belt, lean implementer, brewer, vintner, guitarist, wood-turner, and slave to collies.
This entry was posted in fiction, writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

69 Responses to Fire

  1. subroto says:

    Oh no! Don’t turn on the light, light a candle instead..oh wait..
    Captures the tension as well as half asleep confused state very well

  2. rgayer55 says:

    Great tension and build up here. Kaboom!

  3. Dale says:

    How you managed to build up so much tension in so few words… fabulously done!

  4. Margaret says:

    Powerfully told. His drowsy confusion as he wakes up contrasts superbly with his screaming panic at the end.

  5. Mick, great job building tension and pulling the reader along. The pieces you don’t fill in are as compelling as those you do. Nice job!

  6. luckyjc007 says:

    Great story! Plenty of tension and the picture you imagine if the light switch was turned on.

  7. adamjasonp says:

    Yes, the arc of a mere lightswitch can ignite a fire…

  8. That was a great realistic piece of writing. You had me on the edge of my seat form beginning to traumatic end. I’ve always been told to stay away from the light – I guess there is truth in that.

  9. milliethom says:

    A gripping piece of writing. You show the fear and panic so well and the ending is particularly effective.

  10. I didn’t know that turning on an electric light would ignite the gas. So you entertained me and potentially saved my life! Thanks!

  11. IB Arora says:

    panic has been well described

  12. Sally says:

    I felt the fear and the panic and then the inevitable gasp from me as I realised what actually happened, scary stuff.

  13. No Amy No! Brilliant piece 🙂

  14. Arkenaten says:

    Definitely one of your best. The confusion, the tension the panic. And the cliffhanger at the end.
    Excellent.

  15. not a good way to wake up. Randy

  16. Oh the build-up.. and then impeding doom.. great piece… and so well done to have it prepared.

  17. gahlearner says:

    Oh no! This was an excellent build-up, I’m biting my nails here. I have to learn how to do that…

  18. ansumani says:

    I’m going to end it with Amy not switching the light and move on to the next story 🙂 Nicely done!

  19. Oh my gosh, I was screaming in my head. “Not the light switch.” I love a story that makes me want to act which is hard to do in 100 words. Well done Mick.
    Be well,
    Tracey

  20. Great piece of flash here. Lovely ending.

  21. That’s edge of seat stuff for such few words. Well done.

  22. This made me check my smoke alarm.

  23. wildbilbo says:

    Nicely done – you get a sense of tension really quickly, and leave us on a cliffhanger.
    Cheers
    KT

  24. High drama. Nicely done.

  25. Great story, Mick. Effective tension that keeps us reading. Then an end that we dread, but which facinates us with fear. Really well written. — Suzanne

  26. Oh no! The light. Great story that kept me right in the moment. ‘Fingers biting’ is an excellent concept. Liked that line 🙂

  27. A story which needs no ending. great.

  28. mitraarchita says:

    It didn’t sink in after the first read, but when it did the impact was tremendous. Something along the lines of “Holy Shit!”
    Your story gave my goosebumps. Great work!

  29. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Mick,

    This was a great little barn burner of a story. You lead the reader slowly to the inevitable end and we know all too well what’s going to happen but are powerless to change the outcome. Excellent work.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • micklively says:

      Many thanks Doug.
      I like stories like that myself. My favourite novel of all time is Arundhatti Roy’s “The God Of Small Things”. She drags the reader screaming to witness the inevitable doom: brilliant. I wish I could write that way.

  30. Oh my, what a nightmare. Very gripping.

  31. Sandra says:

    Terrible prospect, waking up to that. And such an instinctive response, to shed some light on the matter. Well done.

  32. Dear Mick,

    That’s a nightmare to wake up to. Nicely done on short notice.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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